Please Compliment Me!

I have often been struck by the subtlety of those face book posts that ask you to tell something nice about the person who posted: "Tell me something nice about myself that begins with the letter of your first name" or "tell me where we first me...that is if you really are my friend". What we are really saying is, "Somebody - anybody - please compliment me."
In a culture where you can communicate at the press of a button we are all desperate to get past the silence. It is a silence that is louder than a freight train...it is the silence of a generation that has no idea how to be kind.
I see this lack of kindness in my children. When one child gets a compliment, the other child has to throw in a little insult - just to even things out...make sure she don't get no big head or nothing.
The irony is that our kids are being raised in the culture of self-esteem. Don't you dare tell the kids the truth about their behavior or they might grow up to be axe-murderers or something! Bobby isn't a disrespectful and rude boy...he's...politeness-challenged. Susie isn't a manipulative, angry girl...she's "having a hard time making friends".
So we sit back in our chair, laptop on lap, hoping someone might say something nice to us...might just encourage us a little.
It's just the next-gen equivalent of when we used to sit by the phone, hoping someone cared enough to call and chat.
Man, we are just desperate for approval!
I began thinking about this as I sat at my desk preparing for a conference I am teaching in a few weeks. In Isaiah 57, God calls upon Israel to remove roadblocks, to prepare the road for the work He wants to do. I began wondering what my roadblocks are; sometimes we are truly blind to our own roadblocks.
The Lord's response to my heart-question was this: "You have an addiction to approval."
This was truly born out today when I was teaching one of my exercise classes. I was taking it really easy on my class since it had been a while since our last class. I told them as much and at the end of the class a woman came up to tell me this was the best class she'd ever been to...which is why it frustrated her that I said it was a lot easier than normal. Thanks?
It really sent me for a spin, this side-ways compliment. She liked the class that I don't normally teach and would prefer that I not teach how I normally teach. So...does she like me? Does she like the not-normally-me? Does it matter?
Why do I care?
I have an addiction to approval.
Approval is like a drug. If I am complimented on something, whether it's singing, speaking, writing, or teaching...it makes me want more. "Oh, really? You liked my song? What did you like about my song?"
So, maybe I should not be complimented.
On the flip-side, though, if I don't get complimented (i.e. a nod of approval) it is like getting withdrawals; not quite to getting the shakes, but almost. I need to know you like me. I need to know I am good enough.
So, what can be done about this need - this addiction - for approval.
As with any other need I have to take it to my Counselor. You know, the One Jesus said he was sending? The Wonderful Counselor...the Spirit of Truth who will guide us into all truth (John 16).
The scriptures are flush with the truths of how God feels about us and those truths become the anchor of my needy, little soul.
On my next blog I am going to share a list of those "How-God-Feels-About-Me-Truths", so hang in there, fellow addicts. I like you.

Body, Soul and Spirit III: Building the foundation

In the last post I told the story of asking God to make me thin and in response he cast me head long into a fitness teaching career. While God could have just snapped a finger and made me perpetually thin, regardless of diet and exercise (we've all seen those kind), instead the Lord taught me an important lesson: anything worth wanting for is worth working for.
I wanted to like the way I look. I wanted to be able to sit up with the assistance of my arms and legs flailing in the air to get me upright. I wanted to see a bit of muscle tone in places I had never before seen it.
When I first began to teach classes I was unbelievably sore. My now-husband-then-fiancee, Ryan, and I had strict rules regarding places on the other's body we could touch before we were married; one evening I limped in to his parent's house and begged him to massage my glutes. (That is the butt for those who don't know). He refused...it was in "the zone".
"No, it's okay! I won't think of it as sexual...it's just a muscle and it hu-urts!" I whined.
He shook his head in stubborn refusal. My poor buns.
It took a while, and a lot of discomfort, but I got into pretty darn good shape. Sixteen years later it takes a lot for me to get sore now because my body is so accustomed to the work I load on it. And that's the point: anything worth wanting for is worth working

 The above picture was taken when I was 17 years old, I was at one of the heaviest points here.
The picture below was taken when I was 36 years old, after giving birth to three kids.

In the last post we talked about having a goal - which is crucial - but in addition to that goal you have to know how to get there. After starting to teach classes I had to learn, not only how to teach fitness classes, I also had to learn about the way the body functions, how to work it for strength, endurance and flexibility. Most importantly, I had to learn how to fuel my body properly. Basically, I had to relearn how to eat. I can exercise until the cows come home, but if I didn't eat clean, God-made foods, I was doing little good for my body.
You just can not eat junk food and expect to have a lean, strong body. Nope. Not gonna happen.
If your goal for this year is body-health than I would recommend the book Clean Eating by Tosa Reno and also Body By God by Ben Lerner.
Just as diet and exercise are the foundations for building a strong body, Paul tells us that there are some necessary building blocks in having a satisfied soul: faith and a good conscience.
Remember, Paul said the goal of his instruction to Timothy "is love that comes from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith." This is what is necessary to tear down any feeling of a wall between you and your Creator. Don't get me wrong...Jesus Christ is always there for you and hears you when you pray; but the bible is very clear that our sins disrupt a close, loving relationship with him. (Check out First John chapter one).
"I just want to feel closer to God", you say.
Great. How is your conscience and your faith?
Are you holding on to resentment and unforgiveness? Baby, that's sin. "For if you forgive people their wrong doing, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don't forgive people, your Father in heaven will not forgive your wrongdoing." (Matthew 6:14-15)
Are you jealous of someone? Do you want what someone else has? Do you have a crush on a married co-worker (lust)? Seriously, the list can go on and for those of you who are followers of Jesus Christ and have the Holy Spirit living in you, I bet God brought something to mind, didn't he?
This morning I had to confess my insecurity and pride to the Lord because someone at the gym has bigger class numbers than me and it makes me feel like I am failing. That may not seem like a big deal to you, but for me it was becoming an obsession. I don't want that on my conscience.
How about faith? How are you doing with that building block?
Faith is believing God is in charge and wants what is for the best...especially when it doesn't seem like it.
If you want to grow closer to God, to know him more, to feel His love more...ask Him to give you a sensitive conscience and a stronger faith.