First of all, I realize "jerk" is probably a 90's word, because I don't hear it much anymore; usually I hear more choice words of an inflammatory nature, especially when referring to women. All that aside, this blog post is dedicated to the people in our lives that make life a little more difficult, uncomfortable and downright poopy.
My Jerk is a woman I have worked with for many years now. We are both instructors with well attended classes and good followings; all important for a successful fitness career. She came to the job a few years after me and I welcomed her with open arms...I tend to view new people as potential new best friends. I like people.
It didn't take long before I realized that I was not going to be BFFs with this instructor. Her body language, eye contact, and words said as much. Once I invited her to coffee to see if there was anything I had done to her to warrant her cold indifference and she alluded to feeling that I treated her like competition. It's probably true. I do struggle with pride and I don't like it if I feel less-than someone else. Perhaps I put off an air of comparison/competitive arrogance...(shrug). Either way, I tried to be super nice to her. Man, I really went out of my way to ask her about her family, her classes, her life; short, terse, one-word replies.
Cozy.
Fast forward a year. This woman had been given the task of helping with a program at our gym and I found out about it from our supervisor. Intrigued by new possibilities, I asked the woman about her vision for the program and she chewed me out. Like, seriously, bit off my head, chewed for a few minutes, then stuck it back on.
I had no business asking such questions, apparently.
Well, I can't say I responded well. I wasn't mean, you know, but I did stick up for myself. The problem is that I know what my body language looks like when I'm angry (I've watched my angry self in the mirror before, haven't you?) so I am certain that my attempts at not being wretched were thwarted by my pinched face and flashing eyes.
Later, I called to apologize and to find out why she continued to not like me, in spite of my niceness. Her answer? I didn't say her name when I say hi.
Wha???
Yep, that's right. Me saying, "Hey there!" or "Hey you!" or "Hi, how's it going?" showed irreconcilable disrespect.
Wha???
For a while I tried to remember to always pronounce her name in my welcomes, but after a while I realized that it wasn't fixing anything. Really, I think she only got worse. She officially became that person you think of when you hear the word: JERK.
So what do you do when there is a jerk in your life, and you really don't like them, but you want to be godly? It's tricky!
I really want to know what Jesus would do in this predicament. He had lots of jerks messing with him, you know. Seriously, everywhere Jesus went a Jerk was sure to go.
First, let's establish who Jesus' jerks were: the Pharisees and Saducees. They were the religious leaders, raised to study and keep the laws of God. They were the ones who would follow Jesus, conspiring together to try to trip him up so he'd look a fool to the people and lose his following. They worked very hard to take him down a notch (i.e. get him killed), but every time Jesus responded to these jerk-faces in such a way that they were left speechless. So what did Jesus do...did he "kill them with kindness" as we are often told to do? Probably, we are told to turn the other cheek, forgive as we have been forgiven, answer harshness with a soft reply...but, I noticed Jesus did something a little different while doing all that.
Jesus told it like it was.
Just a cursory glance through the gospels shows us a number of times Jesus had face-offs with the religious leaders, in each instance the Lord was not like, "Oh, I shouldn't say this because they might respond badly", or " I'm just going to sit here quietly and take their abuse and hope they go away". No, Jesus wasn't a pantie-waist mamby pamby. He spoke forcefully and truthfully, but it was all with the purpose of bringing about repentance.
Examples:
He called out hypocrisy (Mark 12:13-17)
He pointed out the false teachings they'd believed in (Mark 12:18-27)
He showed them the evil intent in their hearts (Mark 12:1-12)
He taught them the truth of God's word and called attention to their hard heartedness and pride (Mark 10:1-12)
He refused to argue with them (Mark 8:11-13)
I don't think this gives us permission to use our tongue like a filet knife whenever we feel someone is being mean, no way. What it does do is gives us permission to "speak the truth in love".
What?
Okay, say there is a jerk lurking about in your life...you can't get away from said-jerk because of one reason or another: family member, co-worker, neighbor, school mate. What if you were to do like Jesus and say it like it is?
You are wrong to treat my children that way.
It hurts me when you talk to me like that.
Your decision to do that was wrong and I will not be held responsible.
I am going to walk away, because I will not be a part of this conversation.
Here is the caveat though....if you just can't wait to see that person again so you can lay into them some good ol' "truth in love"? Don't do it. Telling someone the truth about their jerkiness is not so you can one-up them; it's so they can see their sin and repent.
If that is not your primary motivation in saying it like it is, then keep your mouth shut. In that case do something else that Jesus did: leave.
My Jerk is a woman I have worked with for many years now. We are both instructors with well attended classes and good followings; all important for a successful fitness career. She came to the job a few years after me and I welcomed her with open arms...I tend to view new people as potential new best friends. I like people.
It didn't take long before I realized that I was not going to be BFFs with this instructor. Her body language, eye contact, and words said as much. Once I invited her to coffee to see if there was anything I had done to her to warrant her cold indifference and she alluded to feeling that I treated her like competition. It's probably true. I do struggle with pride and I don't like it if I feel less-than someone else. Perhaps I put off an air of comparison/competitive arrogance...(shrug). Either way, I tried to be super nice to her. Man, I really went out of my way to ask her about her family, her classes, her life; short, terse, one-word replies.
Cozy.
Fast forward a year. This woman had been given the task of helping with a program at our gym and I found out about it from our supervisor. Intrigued by new possibilities, I asked the woman about her vision for the program and she chewed me out. Like, seriously, bit off my head, chewed for a few minutes, then stuck it back on.
I had no business asking such questions, apparently.
Well, I can't say I responded well. I wasn't mean, you know, but I did stick up for myself. The problem is that I know what my body language looks like when I'm angry (I've watched my angry self in the mirror before, haven't you?) so I am certain that my attempts at not being wretched were thwarted by my pinched face and flashing eyes.
Later, I called to apologize and to find out why she continued to not like me, in spite of my niceness. Her answer? I didn't say her name when I say hi.
Wha???
Yep, that's right. Me saying, "Hey there!" or "Hey you!" or "Hi, how's it going?" showed irreconcilable disrespect.
Wha???
For a while I tried to remember to always pronounce her name in my welcomes, but after a while I realized that it wasn't fixing anything. Really, I think she only got worse. She officially became that person you think of when you hear the word: JERK.
So what do you do when there is a jerk in your life, and you really don't like them, but you want to be godly? It's tricky!
I really want to know what Jesus would do in this predicament. He had lots of jerks messing with him, you know. Seriously, everywhere Jesus went a Jerk was sure to go.
First, let's establish who Jesus' jerks were: the Pharisees and Saducees. They were the religious leaders, raised to study and keep the laws of God. They were the ones who would follow Jesus, conspiring together to try to trip him up so he'd look a fool to the people and lose his following. They worked very hard to take him down a notch (i.e. get him killed), but every time Jesus responded to these jerk-faces in such a way that they were left speechless. So what did Jesus do...did he "kill them with kindness" as we are often told to do? Probably, we are told to turn the other cheek, forgive as we have been forgiven, answer harshness with a soft reply...but, I noticed Jesus did something a little different while doing all that.
Jesus told it like it was.
Just a cursory glance through the gospels shows us a number of times Jesus had face-offs with the religious leaders, in each instance the Lord was not like, "Oh, I shouldn't say this because they might respond badly", or " I'm just going to sit here quietly and take their abuse and hope they go away". No, Jesus wasn't a pantie-waist mamby pamby. He spoke forcefully and truthfully, but it was all with the purpose of bringing about repentance.
Examples:
He called out hypocrisy (Mark 12:13-17)
He pointed out the false teachings they'd believed in (Mark 12:18-27)
He showed them the evil intent in their hearts (Mark 12:1-12)
He taught them the truth of God's word and called attention to their hard heartedness and pride (Mark 10:1-12)
He refused to argue with them (Mark 8:11-13)
I don't think this gives us permission to use our tongue like a filet knife whenever we feel someone is being mean, no way. What it does do is gives us permission to "speak the truth in love".
What?
Okay, say there is a jerk lurking about in your life...you can't get away from said-jerk because of one reason or another: family member, co-worker, neighbor, school mate. What if you were to do like Jesus and say it like it is?
You are wrong to treat my children that way.
It hurts me when you talk to me like that.
Your decision to do that was wrong and I will not be held responsible.
I am going to walk away, because I will not be a part of this conversation.
Here is the caveat though....if you just can't wait to see that person again so you can lay into them some good ol' "truth in love"? Don't do it. Telling someone the truth about their jerkiness is not so you can one-up them; it's so they can see their sin and repent.
If that is not your primary motivation in saying it like it is, then keep your mouth shut. In that case do something else that Jesus did: leave.
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